Friday, January 17, 2014

Interesting Jokes

Cute Sardars !! 



Sardar ka Padosi Mar Gaya:
Wo Uske Ghar Gaya or Pucha: Body Aa Gai Kya?
Tabhi Body Lekar Ambulance Aa Gayi.
Sardar: Lo Batao,
Kitni Lambi Umar Hai. 

Sardar Ki Ma Ki Death Ho Gai,
Ek Saal Bad Sardar Ka Baap America Se Wapis Aya, Us Ne Pucha Teri Ma Kahan Hai,
Sardar Bola Woh To Pichlay Saal Hi Mar Gai Thi, Sardar Ka Baap Rone Laga Or Bola Kuttay,
Kaminay To Tune Mujhay Btaya Q Nhi, Sardar Bola-
Me Ne Socha Surprise DunGa..


Once a sardar calls another sardar on the phone and says 'Hi, Main bol Raha Hoon'.
The other sardar replies 'Oye Kamaal Hai Yaar, Ithe Vi Main Bol Raha Hoon!'




Hospital me Nurse: Mubarak ho apke Ghar beta paida hua he!

Sardar: Wahe Guru! Kya Technology hai. Biwi yaha hospital me he aur beta ghar me paida hua hai.


1 bed pe 3 sardar so rahe the. Teeno ko jagah kam pad rahi thi.

ek sardar uth ke niche chala gaya. Toh dono sardar chillae

Vapas uper aaja ab jagah ho gai hai.

Waiter: Your Bill Sir !Santa : Take My Card...Waiter : But Sir, yeh toh aapki shaadi ka card hai !Santa : To Phir Baahar Kya Mazaak Me Likha Hai ?"ALL CARDS ACCEPTED”
Jaldi fwd karoMkt me Naya hai...😛😛

एक बादशाह ने ऐलान करवाया के तमाम
शादी शुदा मर्द 2 लाइन में खड़े होंगे..

एक लाइन में वो जो बीवी से डरते हैं और
दूसरी लाइन में वो जो बीवी से नहीं डरते..

बीवी से डरने वालों की लाइन लंबी थी,
जबकि बीवी से ना डरने वालों की लाइन
में सिर्फ़ एक ही आदमी खड़ा था!!

बादशाह उस आदमी के पास गया और
उसको शब्बाशी देते हुए बोला,..
आप ये कैसे समझते हैं के
आप अपनी बीवी से नहीं डरते??

आदमी ने जवाब दिया,-: मालूम नहीं जी,
मुझे तो मेरी बीवी कह कर गयी है की..
"इसी लाइन में खड़े रहना,
बिल्कुल हिलना मत!"..

🚁 Two seater helicopter Punjab ke gaon me gira. Gaon ke sare Sardar rahat kaam me jut gaye aur 600 dead bodies bahar nikaal laye. 

Sala samjh nahi aay aisa konsa helicopter tha jisme 600 log sawar the.

Baad me pata chala Helicopter Qabristan me gira tha.

Bolo tara ra ra 😀😀😀

Arnab Goswami came home tired and irritated..( To read the text of Interview of Rahul Gandhi by Sri Arnab,you may click below)

His wife asked him -
‘Shall we have dinner ?’

Arnab replied -
‘The moon is white’

His wife was confused..
She said -
‘Shall we go out for dinner ?’

Arnab -
‘Traffic signal consists of Red, Yellow and Green color’

His wife was surprised and worried..
She said -
‘Shall we have Chinese food today ?’

Arnab -
‘A Zoo has many animals’

Now his wife could not take it anymore..
She said -
‘Why are you not answering my questions ?
Why are you giving some irrelevant answers ?

I am getting fed up…’
Arnab replied compassionately
‘Sorry Darling,
I just wanted to make you experience what I have undergone in the last two hours in the studios..
I have just now recorded first ever interview of Pappu. . .

Fed up with Wage Revision, let us enjoy Aadhaar Card Joke.

Aadhaar card :
A Must Must Read
A Scene in 2020...

Hello Pizza Hut!

Customer: Hello, can you please take my order?

Operator : Can I have your multi purpose Aadhar card number first, Sir?

Customer: Yeah!
Hold on..... My number is 889861356102049998-45-54610

Operator : OK... you're... Mr SYED and you're calling from 155, 1st Cross. Panduranga Nagar, BG Road, Bangalore. . Your home number is 26490786, your office 22211379 and your mobile is 9880088786. You are calling from you home number now.

Customer: (Astonished) How did you get all my phone numbers?

Operator : We are connected to the system, Sir.

Customer: I wish to order your Seafood Pizza...

Operator : That's not a good idea Sir.

Customer: How come?

Operator : According to your medical records, you have high blood pressure and even higher cholesterol level, sir.

Customer: What?... What do you recommend then?

Operator : Try our Low Fat Hokkien Mee Pizza. You'll like it.

Customer: How do you know for sure?

Operator : You borrowed a book titled 'Popular Hokkien Dishes' from the National Library last week, sir.

Customer: OK I give up... Give me three family size ones then.

Operator : That should be enough for your family of 07. Sir. The total is Rs. 2,450.

Customer: Can I pay by credit card?

Operator : I'm afraid you have to pay us cash, Sir. Your credit card is over the limit and you owe your bank Rs. 1,51,758 since October last year. That's not including the late payment charges on your housing loan, Sir.

Customer: I guess I have to run to the neighbourhood ATM and withdraw some cash before your guy arrives.

Operator : You can't Sir. Based on the records, you've exhausted even your overdraft limit.

Customer: Never mind just send the pizzas, I'll have the cash ready. How long is it gonna take anyway?

Operator : About 45 minutes Sir, but if you can't wait you can always come and collect it on your motorcycle.

Customer: What?

Operator : According to the details in the system , you own a motorcycle registration number 7786

Customer: "????" (hmmm.. these guys know my motorcyle number too!)

Operator : Is there anything else, sir?

Customer: Nothing.! .. by the way... aren't you giving me that 3 free bottles of cola as advertised?

Operator : We normally would sir, but based on your records, you're also diabetic... In the best interest of your health, we are holding this offer for you.

Customer: teri

Operator: Better mind your language sir. Remember on 10th July 1986 you were imprisoned for 3 days and fined Rs.5,000 for using abusive language against a policeman...?

Customer faints...😀😛😀

Leave applications. 

(murdering english language)

Infosys, Bangalore:
"Since I have to go to my village to sell my land along with my wife ,
please sanction me one-week leave."
Oracle, Bangalore:
From an employee who was performing the "mundan" ceremony of his 10 year old son:
"As I want to shave my son's head , please leave me for two days.."
Leave-letter from a CDAC employee who was
performing his daughter's wedding:
"As I am marrying my daughter, please grant a week's leave.."
From H.A.L. Administration Dept:
"As my mother-in-law has expired and I am only one responsible for it please grant me 10 days leave."
Another employee applied for half-day leave as follows:
"Since I've to go to the cremation ground at 10 o'clock and I may not return, please grant me half day casual leave"
A leave letter:
"I am suffering from fever, please declare one-day holiday."
A leave letter to a headmaster:
"As I am studying in this school I am suffering from headache. I request you to leave me today"
Another letter written to a headmaster:
"As my headache is paining , please grant me leave for the day."
Covering note:
"I am enclosed herewith..."
Another one:
"Dear Sir: with reference to the above , please refer to my bottom..."
Actual application for leave:
"My wife is suffering from sickness and as I am her only husband at home I may be granted leave".
Letter writing:
"I am well here and hope you are also in the same well."

आप कैसे पहचानेंगे कि आप देश के किस हिस्से में है.....?

1) दो आदमी लड़ रहे हैं, एक आदमी आता है, उन्हे देखता है और चला जाताहै... ये 'MUMBAI' है.

2) दो आदमी लड़ रहे हैं, एक आदमी आता है, उन्हें समझाने की कोशिश करता है, फलस्वरुप दोनो लड़ना छोड़ कर समझाने वाले को मारने लग जाते हैं... ये 'DELHI' है.

3) दो आदमी लड़ रहे हैं, एक आदमी अपने घर से आवाज़ देता है, "मेरे घर के आगे मत लड़ो, कहीं और जाओ".... ये 'BANGALORE' है.

4) दो आदमी लड़ रहे हैं, पूरी भीड़ देखने के लिये इकट्ठी हो जाये, और एक आदमी चाय की दुकान लगा दे.... तो ये 'GUJARAT' है.

5) दो आदमी लड़ रहे हैं, दोनो मोबाईल से कॉल कर 👬👬दोस्तो को बुलाते हैं, थोड़ी देर में 50 आदमी लड़ रहे हैं. ..ये 'HARYANA ' है.

6) दो आदमी लड़ रहे हैं, एक आदमी ढेर सारी बीयर ले आता है, तीनो एक साथ बीयर पीते हुए एक-दूसरे को गाली देते हैं.. ये ज़रूर 'GOA' है.

7) दो आदमी लड़ रहे हैं, दो आदमी और आते हैं, वो आपस में बहस करने लगते हैं कि कौन सही है कौन गलत, देखते देखते भीड़ जमा हो जाती है, पूरी भीड़ बहस करती है, लड़ने वाले दोनो खिसक लेते हैं. ये 'KOLKATA' है.

8) दो आदमी लड़ रहे है, एक आदमी आता है, गन निकालता है और ढिचकांव. और सब शांत हो जाता है. यानि कि आप UP पहुँच गए.

A store that sells “New Husbands” has opened in New York City, where a woman may go to choose a husband.
Among the instructions at the entrance is a description of how the store operates: 

You may visit this store ONLY ONCE!
There are six floors and the value of the products increases as the shopper ascends the flights.
The shopper may choose any item from a particular floor, or may choose to go up to the next floor, but you cannot go back down except to exit the building!

So, a woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband.

On the first floor the sign on the door reads:

Floor 1 - These men Have Jobs.

She is intrigued, but continues to the second floor, where the sign reads:

Floor 2 - These men Have Jobs and Love Kids.

'That's nice,' she thinks, 'but I want more.' So she continues upward. The third floor sign reads:

Floor 3 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, and are Extremely Good Looking.

'Wow,' she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going. She goes to the fourth floor and the sign reads:

Floor 4 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Good Looking and Help with Housework.

'Oh, mercy me!' she exclaims, 'I can hardly stand it!' Still, she goes to the fifth floor and the sign reads:

Floor 5 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Gorgeous, Help with Housework, and Have a Strong Romantic Streak.

She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the sixth floor, where the sign reads:

Floor 6 - You are visitor number 31,456,012 to this floor.
There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please!!!

Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store.

(scroll and keep reading!)

The store's owner opened a “New Wives Store” just across the street.

The 1st Floor has wives that listen to men.

The 2nd, 3rd, 4th,5th and 6th floor have never been visited by men!!!!!!

TV Anchor Charwahe se:
Aap Bakre ko kya khilate hain?

Charwaha: Kale ko ya Safaid ko?

Anchor: Safaid ko

Charwaha: Ghass

Anchor: Aur Kale ko?

Charwaha: Use bhi Ghass

Anchor: Inhain bandhte kidher ho?

Charwaha: Kise Kale ko ya Safaid ko?

Anchor: Safaid ko

Charwaha: Bahar ke kamre mein

Anchor: Aur Kale ko?

Charwaha: Use bhi bahar ke kamre mein

Anchor: Aur nehlate kaise ho?

Charwaha: Kise Kale ko ya Safaid ko?

Anchor: Kale ko

Charwaha: Pani se

Anchor: Aur Safaid ko?

Charwaha: Use bhi pani se

Anchor Ghusse se:
Manhos admi jab dono ke saath ek jaisa karta hai tou mujhse bar bar puchta kyu hai Kala ya Safaid...

Charwaha: Kyu ke Safaid bakra mera hai

Anchor: Aur kala?

Charwaha: Woh bhi mera hai.

Very Very Important msg... 💥💥

Pls read Carefully..

Sardiyo me skin

khushk ho jaye to pani me haldi or zara sa
milk powder daal kr ubal lain..

Thanda ho jaye to 1/2 cup dahi daal ke mixture ko dhoop
me 4 ghante rakh dain...

Baad me 1 chammach zaitoon ka tail.,
1 desi anda or 1 chutki zaafran daal kr phaint len.

Zaroorat ho to garam pani daalen..🎣🎣

jub wo sahi se paste ban jae to
Usse dustbin me phaink dein...😬
or muh pe
cold cream laga lain...

Jab badiya se badiya cold cream market me maujud hai to bina wajah
Time waste karne ki kya zaroorat hai...

Gaur se padhne ka shukriya...

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