Thursday, May 8, 2014

Little Interesting Jokes

लड़कियाँ इतनी इंटेलिजेंट क्यूं होती है ? ? ?
एक लड़के ने एक लड़की से पूछा -
तुम खाली पेट कितने सेब खा सकती हो?
लड़की- मैं 6 सेब खा सकती हूं।
लड़का- गलत। तुम खाली पेट केवल एक सेब 
खा सकती हो, क्योंकि जब तुम दूसरा सेब खाओगी
तो तुम्हारा पेटखाली कहां रहेगा, उसमेंपहला
सेब जा चुका होगा।लड़की- सुपर जोक।
मैं अपनी फ्रेंडको सुनाऊंगी। थोड़े दिनों बाद लड़की
ने यहजोकअपनी फ्रेंडकोसुनाया - तुम खाली पेट
कितने सेबखा सकती हो।
लड़की की फ्रैंड - मैं 10 सेब खा सकती हूं।
लड़की- धत तेरे की। अगर तू 6बोलती तो

This is one of the best posts I've read about women... pl read it completely... it's worth it...
WOMAN. . . . . . . . .
When God created woman he was working late on the 6th day.......
An angel came by and asked." Why spend so much time on her ?".

The lord answered. " Have you seen all the specifications I have to meet to shape her?".....
" She must be washable but not made of plastic, ..
have more than 200 moving parts which must be replaceable
she must function on all kinds of foods, ...
she must be able to embrace several kids at the same time,
give a hug that can heal anything from a bruised knee to a broken heart ,
she must do all this with only two hands,.."
She cures herself when sick and can work 18 hours a day".... ...
THE ANGEL was impressed. .." Just two hands.....impossible !" ..
And this is the standard model ? ! ...."
The Angel came closer and touched the woman"...... ..
." But you have made her so soft, Lord".....
." She is soft", said the Lord,
" But I have made her strong. You can't imagine what she can endure and overcome "...
."Can she think?" The Angel asked...
The Lord answered. " Not only can she think, she can reason and negotiate" ...
The Angel touched her cheeks.....
" Lord, it seems this creation is leaking ! You have put too many burdens on her. " ...
."She is not is a tear" The Lord corrected the Angel...
" What's it for?" Asked the Angel..... .
The Lord said. " Tears are her way of expressing
her grief,
her doubts,
her love,
her loneliness,
her suffering and
her pride."...
THIS made a big impression on the Angel,
" Lord, you are genius.
You thought of everything.
A woman is indeed marvellous !".... ...
Lord said." Indeed she is.
She has strength that amazes a man.
She can handle trouble and carry heavy burdens.
She holds happiness, love and opinions.
She smiles when she feels like screaming.
She sings when she feels like crying,
cries when happy and
laughs when afraid.
She fights for what she believes in.
Her love is unconditional.
Her heart is broken when a next-of-kin or a friend dies
but she finds strength to get on with life." ..
The Angel asked : So she is a perfect ?
The lord replied : No. She has just one drawback
" She often forgets what she is worth".

***Superb Story***

Rakesh was worried that his wife was having an hearing problem and he thought she might need a hearing aid.

Not quite sure how to approach her, he called the family Doctor to discuss the problem. 

The Doctor told him there is a simple informal test the husband could perform to give the Doctor a better idea about her hearing loss. 

"Here's what you do,"
said the Doctor,
"stand about 40 feet away from her, and in a normal conversational speaking tone see if she hears you.
If not, go to 30 feet,
then 20 feet,
and so on until you get a response.."

That evening,
his wife was in the kitchen cooking dinner,
and Rakesh thought of testing the same.
He says to himself,
"I'm about 40 feet away, let's see what happens.?"

Then in a normal tone he asks,
"Honey, what's for dinner?"

No response....

So he moves closer to the kitchen,
about 30 feet from his wife and repeats,
"Honey, what's for dinner?"

Still No response...

Next he moves to the dining room where he is about 20 feet from his Wife and asks,
"Honey, what's for dinner?"

Again he gets No response...

So, he walks up to the kitchen door,
about 10 feet away.
"Honey, what's for dinner?"

Again there is No response....

So he walks right up behind her,
"Honey, what's for dinner?"

(You'll Love this)

"For God's sake Rakesh,
its the FIFTH time I am telling you,

Husband was busy watching 
T20 World Cup match..
Wife Came in a New Dress & Asked Him: Main Kaisi Lag Rahi Hu ?? 

Husband Jumped, Clapped n Shouted
Funeral is at 10pm.
Pls attend
Bilkul fresh :

Chor aya,

Tijori par likha tha :

"Todne ki zaroora t nahi button dabao, khul jayegi"

Button dabate hi Police aa gayi.

Police : Tumko kuch apni safai me kehna hai ?

Chor : Maa kasam aaj insaniyat se vishwas uth gaya..



Ravan ko court me laya gaya aur kaha :- Gita pe hath rakho.

Ravan bola :- Sala Sita pe hath rakha to itna matter hua,
Ab Gita pe . . . .



Doctor: Aapki Biwi ab sirf do dino ki mehman hai.

I'm so sorry...

Santa: Isme sorry ki kya baat hai Dr. Saab.
Nikaal lenge ye do din bhi jaise-taise...



Ek Sardarni behosh ho gayi.

Doctor: Yeh mar gayi hai..

Jab usko jalane lage to woh uth baithi aur boli mein zinda hoon...!!

Sardar: Chupchap padi reh gawar,
Tu Doctor se zyada jaanti hai kya?

Jalao ji Jalao.


Husband : Mujhe Ajeeb si Bimari Ho Gai Hai...Jab Meri Biwi Bolti Hai To Mujhe Kuchh Sunaai Nahi Deta...
Mashaalla Ye Bimari Nahin,...Tum par Allah Ki Rehmat Hui Hai !!
.... The killer one

Santa: Dekh teri biwi ko saap kaat raha hai!

Banta: Abey wo kaat nahi raha...uska 'Zeher' khatam ho gaya hai to wo RECHARGE Karwane aaya hai !

Once three people (one politician, one doctor, one banker) were going in a car.
car crashed in an accident & all three died.
Souls of all was taken to yamaraj for their decision.

Chitragupt first took politician and said,"Ye neta hai Isne bahut paap kiye hai prabhu." yamaraj said "iska hisab karne me to bahut samay lagega. Ise baad me dekhenge"
Next chitragupt took doctor for decision and said " isne garibo ki seva karne ki kasam khai thi par kabhi garib patients ko dekha hi nahi."
Yamraj said "iska decision thoda complicated hai. Ise bhi baad me dekhenge."
Lastly chitragupt took banker and said "he was a banker"
Yamaraj stopped him with tears in his eyes and said "BETA TUM SIDHE SWARG ME CHALE JAO, Q KI TUM TO ABHI NARK SE HI AARAHE HO."

Sindhi to Marwadi: "Aap kya lenge, thanda ya garam?"
Marwadi: "Dono hi mangwado"
Sindhi: "Sunti ho, 2 glass pani le aana.
Ek freezer se
Doosra geezer se...

Girls want Attention.
Women want Respect.
Men want both.
No no ..not Attention and Respect.
Both Girls and Women

Something to lighten your day !
A good 30 laughs at Dilbert's one liners:
1. I say no to alcohol, it just doesn't listen.
2. A friend in need is a pest indeed.
3. Marriage is one of the chief causes of divorce.
4. Work is fine if it doesn't take too much of your time.
5. When everything comes in your way you're in the wrong lane.
6. The light at the end of the tunnel may be an incoming train..
7. Born free, taxed to death.
8. Everyone has a photographic memory, some just don't have film.
9. Life is unsure; always eat your dessert first.
10. Smile, it makes people wonder what you are thinking.
11. If you keep your feet firmly on the ground, you'll have trouble putting on your pants.
12. It's not hard to meet expenses, they are everywhere.
13. I love being a writer... what I can't stand is the paperwork..
14. A printer consists of 3 main parts: the case, the jammed paper tray and the blinking red light.
15. The guy who invented the first wheel was an idiot. The guy who invented the other three, he was the genius.
16. The trouble with being punctual is that no one is there to appreciate it.
17. In a country of free speech, why are there phone bills?
18. If you cannot change your mind, are you sure you have one?
19. Beat the 5 O'clock rush, leave work at noon!
20. If you can't convince them, confuse them.
21. It's not the fall that kills you. It's the sudden stop at the end.
22. I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.
23. Hot glass looks same as cold glass. - Cunino's Law of Burnt Fingers
24. The cigarette does the smoking you are just the sucker.
25. Someday is not a day of the week
26. Whenever I find the key to success, someone changes the lock.
27. To Err is human, to forgive is not a Company policy.
28. The road to success.... Is always under construction.
29. Alcohol doesn't solve any problems, but if you think again, neither does Milk.
30. In order to get a Loan, you first need to prove that you don't need 

एक बैंक बिल्कुल जेल के सामने था एक दिन बैंक के सेफ का लॉक नही खुल रहा था बैंक वालों ने हर तरह कोशिश की मैकनिक बुलाये पर फिर भी वे सेफ का लॉक नही खोल पाए।
तब बैंक मैनेजर ने जेल में जाकर कैदियों से मदद मांगी एक कैदी सेफ का लॉक खोलने के लिए तैयार हो गया।
उसे पुलिस सुरक्षा में बाहर लाया गया और उसने थोड़ी ही देर में बिना किसी तोड़फोड़ के सेफ खोल दिया।

बैंक मैनेजर उसके उस कारनामे से बहुत खुश हुआ।

मैनेजर ने सेफ खोलने वाले कैदी से कहा, "मैं आपसे बहुत खुश हूँ, आपने बिना किसी क्षति के सेफ खोल दिया आप बताईये की इस काम के लिए हम आपको कितने रूपए दें।"

सेफ खोलने वाले कैदी ने कहा, "पिछली बार तो जब मैंने ऐसा ही एक सेफ खोला था तो मुझे 10 लाख रूपए मिले थे तभी तो मैं यहाँ हूँ।"

**Father used to walk 20 Minutes to save 20 Rs.
Son spends 20 Rs. to save 20 Minutes.!

**If electricity goes in America they call the power house.
In Japan, they test the fuse,
But In India, they check neighbour's house, "sabki gayi hai naa, phir thik hai!" 😀😀😀

**Sense of Responsibility...

A man goes to library n asks for a book on Suicide..........
Librarian looks at him n says: "Bhai wapas kaun dene aayega???"

Go hide! Your teacher is coming as you bunked school today!
GRANDSON: YOU go hide.. I told her YOU PASSED AWAY!!

**Sister to brother: What r u going to gift grandma on her b'day?
Brother: A football
Sister: But grandma does not play!
Brother: On my b'day she gave me bhagvad gita. Uska kya?

Solid Insult😛😛😛😛

Ek Bachcha Park mein Bench pe betha tha aur 1 k bad 1 Toffee kha raha tha.

Pas bethi 1 Aunty boli : Jyada meetha khane wale
jaldi mar jate hai.

Boy : Aap ko malum hai meri Dadi ki age 106 Saal

Aunty : Wo meetha kam khati hongi.

Boy : Nahi...!!! Wo apne Kaam se kaam rakhti thi

Male criteria for life partner...
They expect their women to Look like "Miss Universe" and
Work like"Shanta Bai..."

Females' criteria for life partner.... They expect their man to earn like ...Ambani & behave like Manmohan Singh.

Dedicated to all couples

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