Doctor advices to wife :
- Give him healthy breakfast daily
- Be pleasant & in good mood
- Cook tasty dinner
- Don't discuss your problems with him
- Stop watching tv shows & facebook n whats app
- Don't demand new jewels
If u can do this for one year, Ur husband will be ok.
On the way to home, husband asks wife :
What did Doctor say ?
Wife : Bachna mushkil hai..!!
I got a call from BANK and the GIRL said, "Sir, if you invest 4000/- per month, you will get 1 cr after your retirement."
I said, "It's a nice offer, but make it reverse. Give me 1cr today and take 5000/- per month from me till my RETIREMENT.."
She simply disconnected the call...
"KID FAILS IN EXAM"
Father: Aaj Se Mujhe Papa Mat Kehna...!
Son: Oh, come On Dad,
It Was Just A 'School Test'
Not A "DNA" Test...!
Tchr : Murgiyo🐓 ki taange chhoti kyu hoti hai ?
Sardar ka Asardaar reply : Sir, agar murgiyo🐓 ki taange Lambi hoti to Ande itne upar se gir kar toot jate na.
Teacher- 🌍💫🌝Chand par pehla kadam👟 kisne rakha?
Teacher- Aur doosra 👣?
Pappu- doosra👣 bhi usi ne rakha hoga ..... Langdi khelne thodi gaya tha woh!!!!
🔍💊🔦💊🔍-Doctor : Roz 5km walk karo, to 1 sal me 50kg wajan kum ho jayega..
1 saal baad santa phone pe:
Wajan to kam ho gaya,
magar saale ghar kaise jau 1825km door aa gaya hu❓❓😄
👳👳👳👳Santa aur Banta 8th mein aathvi Baar Fail Ho gaye
Santa: Chal Suicide kar le
Banta: Saale, Pagal Ho Gaya Hai ??
Agle janam Fir NURSERY se shuru karna padega😃😃😛😄😃
👳😛👳😛👳Santa: shirt ke liye ek acha kapda dikhaiye.
Sales man: plain main dikhau.
Santa: Nahin helicopter main dikha
saale bandar ki aulad… Yahin pey dikha!!👔👘👗👔👚👕👔
Doctor: Do exercise daily for
Santa: Sir i play football, cricket, daily.
Doctor: how long do you play?
Santa: until d battery in my mobile goes down!!😄📱📱📱
👩👩👩👩👩👩Techer- pani me rahne vale 5 jiv batao.?
Tech- very good, baki char bolo. .
Student- uski maa 🐸,
uska baap 🐸,
uski behan 🐸 aur
uska bhai 🐸..
Santa's Son was filling an application form.
Son: papa, mother tongue kya likhu?
Santa: Likh de, very long and uncontrollable..😜😂
God decided that it was finally time to end the World, so he called together those whom he considered the Three Most Influential People in the World:
President of USA Barrack Obama, Chinese President Xi Jinping, and Prime Minister of India Manmohan Singh.
"The World will End soon now," God told them. "You must go and tell all the People."
Obama, made a Live Statement on National Television.
"I've Good News and BAD News" he said.
"The Good News is that we have been Right, there is a God. The Bad News is that He is Ending the World."
The second person, Xi Jinping sent out a Worldwide Message:
"I've Bad News and WORSE News," he said.
"The Bad News is that we have been Wrong all along - there is a God. The Worse News is that He is Ending the World."
The third person, Manmohan Singh immediately calls up Sonia Gandhi and tells her:
"I've Good News and EVEN BETTER News. The Good News is that God thinks I'm one of the Three Most Influential Persons in the World. The Even Better News is that we do not have to Worry about how to Stop Narendra Modi from becoming PM, because God is Ending the World."
Rahul Gandhi walks into A Bank
to cash a check.
As he approaches the cashier
he says, “Good morning sir,
would you please cash this
check for me?”
Cashier: “It would be my
pleasure sir. Could you please
show me your ID?”
RG: “Truthfully, I did not bring
my ID with me as I didn’t think
there was any need to. I am
Vice President of the Congress
Party. future indian PM.
Cashier: “Yes sir, I know who
you are, but with all the
regulations and monitoring of
the banks because of impostors
and forgers and requirements
etc., I must insist on seeing
RG: “Just ask anyone here at
the bank who I am and they
will tell you. Everybody knows
who I am.”
Cashier: “I am sorry sir but
these are the bank rules and I
must follow them.”
RG: “I am urging you, please, to
cash this check.”
Cashier: “Look Sir here is an
example of what we can do. One
day, Sachin Tendulkar came into
the bank without ID. To prove
he was Sachin he pulled out his
bat and made a beautiful shot
across the bank. With that shot
we knew him to be Sachin and
cashed his check.”
So, sir what can you do to prove
that it is you, and only you,
future indian PM, Rahul
RG stands there thinking, and
thinking, and finally says:
“Honestly, my mind is a total
blank… There is nothing that
comes to my mind. I can’t think
of a single thing. I have
absolutely no idea what to do; I
just don’t have a clue”.
Cashier: “Sir 500 ke note dun ya
."".""Jannat me sab kuch hai
lekin maut nahi hai,
Gita me sab kuch hai
lekin jhuth nahi hai,
Dunia me sab kuch hai lekin sukun😇 nahi hai,
Insaan me sab kuch hai lekin sabar nahi hai....
Kya baat kare is duniya ki...
Har shakhs ke apne afsaane hai...
Jo samne hai use log bura kehte hai...
Jisko dekha nahi kabhi use sab "KHUDA" kehte
jab bachpan"" tha
to jawani"" ek dream tha
jab jawan huye
to bachpan desire hai..
jab ghar 🏠me rehte the
aazadi achi lagti thi
aaj akele🙇 hai
to har pal ghar 🏩k din yaad aate hai..
kabhi hotel🏯 me jana
pizza,🍕 burger"" khana
aaj ghar par aana
aur maa k hath k khane 🍆me🍅🌽🍪 hi jannat milti hai..
jinse zagadte the school me
un dosto ko aaj internet"" me talashte hai
aaj kal to khush rehne k tarike b hum
google me search marte hai..
facebook se dating
aur flipkart, ebay se shopping karte hai
ghar par b baat ab
skype/gtalk aur whatsapp se karte hai..
laptop aur mobile me samet diya hai
hum samazte hai humne
khud ko update kiya hai..
iss nayi duniya me humne
na jane kya ghuma diya hai
kab kya badla
hume kuch na pata chala hai..
kuch hai hum b
ye b vishwas mila
lekin kya chhoda
kya tyaga humne
iska na hisab mila..
khushi kisme hoti hai
ye pata ab chala hai
bachpan kya tha
iska ehsas ab hua hai..
kash badal sakte hum
zindgi k kuch saal pichhle
kash ji sakte hum
zindgi ek bar fir se...